I turned 42 on January 29. I had a lovely, peaceful, positive birthday, and then I fell into a rather deep depression. Not suicidal deep, but no fun, either. A lovely, wise woman from my Book of Days group, Maryann, said that 42 is a very powerful birthday for a woman, when she tends to pop out of the grid. Which made me think of the fact that when we undergo a jump in frequency, or a large initiation in our lives, we usually feel crappy for about 3 days, because we are higher and lighter and so we feel all the heavy stuff even more as it is leaving our new level of being.
Plus, I don’t know about you, but my life has been shifting out from under me in huge ways this past week. I mean BIG things that truly change my life and that of my family in ways that are totally out of our control. Every day it seems things are shifting, and there is NO stable foundation to stand on. That was really getting to me. I was angry and frustrated and going into a fear spin about it all, feeling totally out of control and not knowing one damn thing I could do about it.
So I just decided to get through it. And last night I hit a low, and my partner and I had a really good, deep talk, then things shifted again this morning and we had another one. I’d be lost without her, by the way. Anyway, afterward, I journaled about it. And I realized…
If things are constantly shifting in huge ways…which they most certainly ARE for us…then they can easily shift just as rapidly in wonderful, miraculous ways, too! Plus, these shifts that we were seeing as scary and some of them bad are really just different! We have NO way of knowing what they really mean, only that they are changing our lives in big ways. Then I started to wonder when it was that I stopped believing that I could have what I wanted (as long as it was aligned with the Highest Good)? Was it when things were going so peacefully and so well, and then something shook that up? Well, that’s stupid. Things are going well so I lose my belief? I don’t like the cycles of up/down, bad/good, but where there is a down, there will be an up, and in my life in the past few years, the up times have just gotten longer and longer and my life has just gotten better and better…so really, what needs to SHIFT now is my mind! My attitude…my mindfulness…my thoughts! When I feel a negative reaction, I need to examine what faulty beliefs are leading me to feel bad. I need to look at the Truth, in the Now, and remember what I TRULY believe.
The Truth: My life is totally rearranging itself around me, not like I expected or would choose…and because I am NOT all-knowing or all-seeing, I cannot possibly know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. And since I believe that after everything I’ve been through, now is MY TIME for things to just get better and better…well, hey, that must mean these are good things even if I can’t see how at this moment!
So I made this page to commemorate and remind myself of this realization so that I won’t forget it again as things continue to shift in this phenomenally-transforming reality we are currently living in.